I struggle every day with being present in the moment. My mother always has said if she could relive a moment she would choose to go back and hold her children again when we were little (always said through tears). I struggle every day to fully enjoy these moments instead of focusing on the messes and what doesn't go the way I want it to go. I'm constantly wishing for the days that everyone promises will come...the days when it's supposed to get easier. I'm always wondering....when will I not have to chase someone around the house to get dressed?...when will I be able to take someone to a public place and not have to worry about them running as far away from me as possible?...when will I not have to change a dirty diaper?...when will I be able to sleep through the night without having to listen to a baby monitor?...when will the guilt go away from feeding my babies formula or using disposable diapers?...when will I stop having to wash bottles?...when will I be able to exercise again in peace?...when will I stop having to constantly pick up horse figurines/Little People off the floor?....when will the frustration stop from being constantly interrupted?...when will I be able to go back to work?...when?
But then there is the guilt of wishing for these days to come....of not fully enjoying all these special moments that I have the privilege of being present for. Nathan and I are late bloomers in the world of kids and it was no picnic getting here. But I still vividly remember having A LOT of time to myself....and I miss it. It's not that I'm wishing my kids are grown and out of the house...
But the struggle is real for me...to remember to enjoy the chaos, the mess, the clutter, being homebound and not wishing it to go by too fast.
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